Red Rory of the Glen - A little, funny, bloody, (pseudo?) Scottish story

 

One day a Brit Gen'ral is marchin' along wit' his regiment. After a bit they come across a hilloc and atop it is this braw scottish warrior holdin' a huge claymore above 'is 'ead. And 'e yells down at them "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen! Send up your best man!"

 

An' Gen'ral purples a wee bit, an' he turns to his Adjant an' says, "Adjunt! Send up you're best man! I wan' that man head!" And up goes the best man and then theres bangin' and bashin' and sqwackit and screamin' and then cloppity cloppity clop comes down the 'ead of the best man.

 

An' Red Rory stands on top o 'the hilloc and shouts. "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen! Send up your best squad!"

 

An' the Gen'ral purples a bit more, an' he turns to his Adjunt an' says, "Adjunt! Send up your best squad! I wan' that mans Head!" And up goes the best squad an' then theres bangin' an' bashin' an' sqwakit an' screamin' an' then cloppity cloppity clop comes down the 'eads of the best squad.

 

An' Red Rory stands on top o' the hilloc and shouts. "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen! Send up your best comp'ny!"

 

An' the Gen'ral purples a lot more, an' he turns to his Adjunt an' says, "Adjunt! Send up your best comp'ny! I Wan' that mans HEAD!" And up goes the best comp'ny an' then theres bangin an' bashin' ab' sqwakit an' screamin' an' then cloppity cloppity clop comes down the 'eads of the best comp'ny.

 

An' Red Rory stands on top o' the hilloc and shouts. "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen. Send up the whole regiment!"

 

And Gen'ral turns completely purple, an' he turns to his Adjunt an' says, "Adjunt! Send up the Whole Blawdy Regiment! I WAN' THAT MANS HEAD!" And up goes the whole regiment and there's bangin' an' bashin' an' sqwakit an' screamin' goin' on for the better part o' an hour or so, an' suddenly the Adjunt comes runnin' down the hill yellin' "Run sir, run! It's ae ambush! There's two ae them!"

 

-The end